When you have cable and can't record all your shows, you feel unhappy.
When you feel unhappy, you go to happy hour.
When you go to happy hour, you're up for anything.
When you're up for anything, you head for a Turkish bath house.
When you head for a Turkish bath house, you meet Charlie Sheen.
And when you meet Charlie Sheen, you reenact scenes from Platoon with Charlie Sheen.